If you say you like Lance, people tell you how horrible he was.
If you say you don’t like Lance, people tell you how much good he did.
So I’ll say nothing and draw a picture of what he said. He said he was a doper. A doper is a cheater. A cheater is a crook.
He said it, not me.
The real truth behind the recent media frenzy around Lance Armstrong is that he’s part of an elaborate scheme for GoDaddy’s other Super Bowl commercial. Just wait, you’ll see I’m right.